Sunday, March 25, 2018

A wake up call for every time that I think I am being a wimp...

This week I have had some bad pain (described in my insta post below) and ended up missing a class at uni because of it. As always I had a voice in the back of my head niggling me, telling me that I was just too weak, being dramatic and a wimp. Looking at the situation from an objective point of view I know that I push through everything and despite dealing with quite a lot in the last six months, that class is the first uni class I have missed and it's kinda insane that I haven't missed more classes (as my friends keep telling me).

Anyway, my friend Sarah sent me this video (below the insta post) and it gave me a much needed wake up call. I know that having some radio hosts and one woman with endometriosis filming something is not a robust experiment from a scientific point of view, but it's all I needed to remember that while other people have their own battles, not many people my age have to deal with extreme acute or chronic pain, and I should be proud for all I have achieved despite it. I'm not a wimp, I'm not being dramatic, I have a disease. I have developed incredible coping skills for dealing with pain and discomfort every day.

The thing about #chronicpain is that it’s multifaceted and unpredictable. Since my last surgery 18 months ago I have almost no pain that I recognize as my old ‘endo-caused’ pain. Instead I have lower back pain (sharp and around my kidneys) that tends to happen when I’m stressed, I’ve eaten too much inflammatory food, not slept enough or done too much exercise that stresses my core; a little bit of cramps pain around my period that tends to resolve itself with anti-inflammatories and gentle movement; sharp random pains in my pelvis and upper abdomen that affect my ability to breathe and walk, and that I can’t figure out a cause for so I figure must be #neuropathic; and the #vulvodynia pain/itching/burning that is constant. I’m 99% sure these pains are all due to my body’s maladaptation to being in pain from the #endometriosis tissue for so long, and not due to any new endo growth. ~ For the last week I’ve had a pain that is quite unusual for me and really difficult to deal with. It’s sharp and stabbing level 9-10 acute pain, like I’m being stabbed in my vagina. It’s incredibly difficult to deal with this kind of pain without showing any outward signs of pain, or without eventually wanting to cry from exhaustion if I’m under any stress at all when I experience the pain. It’s led to me acting weird and potentially seeming rude around others and walking out of class even though the topic was really interesting to me. ~ Thankfully heat helps so I’ve just been surrounding myself with hot water bottles and my @smacs_packs heat pack.
A post shared by Libby (@thechroniccaper) on

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