Day 2: Let it go

What was the most surprising thing about being diagnosed with endometriosis after years of symptoms?

The Grief.

I never expected to feel so mixed up about my diagnosis. For years, I had had pain, and been told to live with it. I'd been feeling extremely tired for a long time. I thought that I would be relieved to have a diagnosis.

And I was.

I also felt many other things. Angry that I had been dismissed by doctors who had taken my money and not helped me. Worried about the future: about the pain that might come back, or might never go away; about the future kids I might not be able to have; about the fatigue that might stop me from doing what I want to do with my life. Frustrated that the surgery and mirena didn't just fix it all. Upset that there is no cure and little awareness. Grief for what my life might have been like without all this mess.

I'm still working it out.

So currently I'm learning to let go. Of all the times that doctors mistreated me, or the people who were hurtful. Of the idea that I'm invincible, since I have learnt the hard way that I clearly am not. Of the fact that I might not be able to do whatever I want, but if I can't, I can at least find something else that I love and be happy with that. 

_________________________________________________________________________________

This month I will be taking part in National Health Blog Post Month. Check back every day to see the new topic and learn more about endometriosis. Today's topic - use a quote for inspiration.