You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness

Jonathan Safran Foer

I spent my life learning to feel less.
Every day I felt less.
Is that growing old? Or is it something worse?
You can not protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness."

- Taken from Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer also know as one of the greatest wordsmiths that ever did live

The past few months have been a great test of how well I can cope with consistent vulnerability. There have been quite a few good things that have happened - in fact if I wasn't being lazy and was still publishing Thankful Thursday on here, I would probably have a list a mile long every week for all the things I have to be thankful for. [Quick recap so it doesn't seem like life is terrible: lots of great work feedback & opportunities, lots of opportunities to inspire young minds about science, sponsorship from work to do my dream Masters degree at Durham University next year, amazing friends that are there at the drop of a hat, the most supportive family you could ask for, higher self confidence, relatively little endo pain, exciting plans for the future and lots of little everyday things too]

However, there have been a couple of things that haven't turned out quite the way I had wanted them to, and it's gotten me in a little bit of a funk. It's funny how you fool yourself into thinking you've won the war, when you've really just won the battle. There are always going to be challenges in life and the things you take for granted aren't necessarily going to be there forever. I'm trying not to beat myself up too much about the grief I have for things that no longer are, particularly when I have so much good going for me. I've gotta let myself feel the hurt, even if it sucks for the meantime. Denial will get you nowhere except 2 pm in the work carpark unable to suppress your tears.

I value honesty, and I value transparency, and I value vulnerability. Openness. Passion. Sharing. Having those values makes life hurt, but it also makes it brilliant. With those kind of values you get to experience the best life has to offer, but by keeping the door open to those experiences, it's also inevitable some tough things will sneak in too. The people I admire most have those values and still keep their vivacity for life. If I turn out to have even half that spark I'll be doing well. I wouldn't have it any other way.